(Okay, so technically, I have been back at work for a couple
weeks now. I have been in a “transition” period of a couple five-hour days per
week. Until I work the hours I did before, it really doesn’t count as far as “officially”
being done with maternity leave.)
I know if I use the phrase “working mom” and only refer to
what I do outside of the home, I’m sure I could stir up a few comments. I
realize that being a mom, whether staying at home or working outside the home,
is work regardless. Over the past six-and-a-half years, I have been all across
the board. The only difference about me being a stay-at-home mom is that my
stint has been paid, otherwise known as maternity leave.
And now it’s time to leave maternity leave behind. For good.
Sigh.
Growing up, I wanted nothing more than to be a mother. I had
no lofty career goals, other than that. Yet I never considered being a
stay-at-home mom. My mom wasn’t (nor was Jake’s mom), and I (we) truly don’t
feel that we missed out on anything by her working. She and my dad had flexible
schedules, and someone was usually home with us. My grandparents lived right up
the road, so I can only remember a couple non-relative baby-sitter stints that
didn’t last very long. In retrospect, I am thankful my parents made such a
sacrifice for us. God bless their 36-year marriage!
It seems ironic that a majority of my mom friends have Bachelor
(Master’s, Doctorate) degrees and they stay-at-home, while I aspired to be a
mother, have a (useless) Associate’s degree and I have a job. It’s been a
source of some coveting in my life. I admit, I sometimes let my jealousies get
the best of me. It can even be a source of contention for Jake and I, I’m not
going to lie. Then he feels guilty that I can’t stay home… it’s a vicious
circle. So by the grace of God, I’ve come to accept that my motherhood job
comes along with an outside-of-the-home job.
I remind myself that my friends didn’t start off motherhood
single. Not that it was a part of my plan either. Of all the ways I imagined my
motherhood career beginning, being estranged from my (then) husband was never
what I pictured. EVER. I look back upon that time that seems ages ago and think
about all the crap I had to deal with on my first maternity leave: hiring an
attorney to file for custody, filing for child support, dealing with my ex who
was in a relationship with someone else and feeling ganged up on every time we
had to speak… it was like my own personal episode of “The Jerry Springer Show.”
Yet Averey brought so much joy into my life, and I am grateful to God that
amidst the mess that I remember Averey’s first three months as a wonderful time
to bond with my firstborn. Even though I had to return to work full-time, it was
all worth it. We had to have a roof over our heads somehow!
My time off work with Kelsey was much different: I had a
caring husband! The adjustment from one to two was more difficult than I
expected though, and it was during a time I really had no friends in State
College. When I returned to work, we decided I could go back part-time (up to
30 hours weekly). That’s when I got involved in a Bible study and found MOPS.
That’s when I realized it seemed like everyone stayed home. So while I found
friends, I also found that working outside the home was rarer than I thought. Back
in Harrisburg, I worked with plenty of moms, so I never thought twice about it.
Yet I reminded myself that some moms can’t cut their hours, and once upon a
time, that was me. Thirty hours may seem like a lot to some people, but to me,
it was a vacation!
And now I must say good-bye to my final maternity leave.
While I thought I would cut my hours further, I believe God made it more
apparent that I should be working with a servant’s heart (not an easy task as a
pharmacy technician), and I should work more hours so we can achieve our
financial goals of paying off our Jeep (so close), our car, and our home equity
loan since we have a fixer-upper of a home. I follow Dave Ramsey who I consider
to be financially wise, and he often comments about making sacrifices to get
debts paid off. This is just one of those times that requires sacrifice. It
also helps that my mother-in-law can watch our girls and be there to get Averey
off the bus, along with a baby-sitter we hired in the spring who comes to our
house. They are both wonderful blessings in our lives. I made a personal commitment
never to have my children in a daycare setting, and thankfully, I (we) have
been able to do that all along.
I’ve enjoyed being home this summer with my girls, but I’ll
admit, it’s kind of nice to be back to a regular schedule too.
Maybe. We’ll see what I have to say in a couple months. ;)
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