The Sister Dynamic

One thing I've learned as a mom: Just because I am a female myself does not make it any easier to parent girls. Maybe if I grew up with a sister, I might know an extra thing or two. My husband and I are in the same boat; he grew up with an older brother, and I grew up with a younger brother. This sister dynamic in our household is completely foreign to us. Sure, I had friends that I claimed were like sisters, but I didn't live with them in the same house, or share a bedroom, or toys… or parents.

The closest person I had to a sister was my cousin Erin. Of course, being 6 months apart made it pretty much impossible for us to be exactly like sisters, but when someone grows up a stone's throw away from you that you could see every day if you wanted to, it's close enough in my book. Our grandmother would buy us matching outfits, the same toys, you name it. We even fought like sisters. We'd get mad at each other for the stupidest things (and what those stupid things were, I can barely recall 25 years later); her sister would be on my side, my brother on hers, and eventually we'd make up. As we grew older, the fighting generally stopped and we became friends… not just because we had to because we were related.

But I am still a novice at parenting two girls. I can relate more to Averey since we're both the oldest and have a younger sibling that can easily get on our nerves (not an issue for me anymore though). I'll admit I was shocked that I gave birth to two girls. I was almost sure in the beginning of my pregnancy with Kelsey that I was going to have a boy because I could see Averey being the bossy big sister to a little brother, much like I was. A nonsensical reason, but I couldn't picture having two girls. Towards the end of that pregnancy, I did start to think that having two girls would be nice because we already had a bunch of girl stuff. Jake was already saying we were having a girl, so at the moment of her arrival when the doctor told him to make the call, and he said, "It's a girl!", I was thrilled (and surprised that his fatherly instinct was better than my motherly instinct). Two girls! I could dress them alike (or just in coordinating outfits), use the same crib set, and I knew how to take care of a girl baby already… but raising sisters is a different story.

Kelsey is at the age now where she can interact with Averey and they can actually play together. That doesn't always mean that Kelsey plays right, and that usually results in Averey's tears and Kelsey screeching, and Jake wishing he had a man cave.

As they have been sharing a room since last September, it hasn't exactly been as easy as I imagined. Now that they have adorable loft beds (our ceilings are too low for traditional bunk beds), I thought bedtime would be an easy task. Um, they've proven me wrong. This whole room-sharing is also a foreign concept to me (and Jake) too. We've been putting them to bed at the same time around 8-8:30, which is probably not ideal for a Kindergartener and a 2 ½ year old. But there are often times I work until 6, and the last thing I want to do in the evening is put Kelsey to bed at 7:30. Between getting home at 6:15, eating supper, cleaning up afterwards, and sometimes the dreaded bath time (on my part—a future entry I'm sure), that hardly leaves any time to just interact with her. But now that she naps maybe 2-3 times a week, usually if she's at my in-laws' house (she'll sleep in the crib there, but not here!), or if she crashes on a couch here, I would think she'd be plenty tired by 8. She's a little bit like the Energizer bunny, and having a chatty, take charge older sister (not) sleeping above her doesn't help in the "getting settled" department. Upon advice I've solicited from facebook friends, I think it may take some trial and error in attempting new ways to make bedtime easier on everyone. (I will selfishly admit that means Jake and me more so than it does Averey and Kelsey.)

Then there are the times when they are just incredibly sweet to each other, and I'm so grateful I get to witness those moments. On the rare occasions that Kelsey falls asleep on the couch, Averey has taken the liberty of covering her up with a blanket, making sure Kelsey's lovey blankey is cuddled up with her, and then she'll seal it with a sisterly kiss on the check. And just last night, Kelsey was having a fit over going to bed, and Averey led her out of their room in pursuit of a tissue because Kelsey was sobbing, "My nosey hurts!" I grabbed a tissue for Averey to give to her sister, walked them back to their room and helped Kelsey blow her nosey. Averey assessed her deed and said, "I wanted to get her a tissue since she was crying. I'm a good big sister, aren't I mama?" Yes Averey, yes you are. I hope that you're able to remember this moment someday when you're older and help your sister out when she needs more than a tissue.